Intensive Training

I am not alone.

Well, of course I’m not alone, I’ve got Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan… and another Obi-Wan, who prefers to be called Ben (don’t ask, I don’t fully understand either)… but now, there are more apprentices like me.  But… not really like me.  I’m still the first, and still the oldest.

It would seem that I should have the hardest time learning, due to the dark events in my past, and the supposed inflexibility of the mind after a certain point in time… but no.  My abilities via the Force get stronger every day – I can sense, through the Force, not only Qui-Gon, but any of the Force-sensitive people around the Enclave, and where they are on Dantooine.  My skills with Force telekinesis continue to grow, although my first attempts with them were mostly instinctive – stopping myself when falling out of a tree, halting a knife I threw and bringing it back to me… Gods forbid that ever happens again, I threw the blade at Qui-Gon, reacting purely on my ONI instincts, rather than the Force… but my Force instincts kicked in in time, before he was hurt.  He showed great faith in my abilities then, saying that although he could have dodged, he did not, so strong was his belief that I would not hurt him.  And he was right… but it scared the kark out of me anyway.

But anyway, the apprentices: two of them are teenage girls, each fifteen years old.  Their names are Quellia Sheplin and Mirinah (Miri) Lance.  They traveled here, on the advice of a smuggler, with Miri’s brother Tirum as their pilot.  Tirum does not seem to be Force-sensitive at all, but Quellia and Miri both show great potential.  Quellia, in particular, has shown aptitude in Force telepathy and Force telekinesis – however, she seems to suffer strange periods of confusion and memory loss, and often seems disconnected from the world around her; it may be troublesome with her training.  Miri, on the other hand, is very eager to learn, asking many questions about abilities and Jedi lore, and has been attempting to use Force Pull, but with no success; but Qui-Gon and I have both reassured her that she will find her niche.

The third apprentice is only five years old; she is another girl, named Mila Gev.  She is very intelligent, to be certain… but still very young, and I’m not sure which Force abilities she’s manifested.  Her mother, Mirta Gev, brought her here, through the recommendation of Ben – the woman is only my age, but she has seen much.  I could tell that when I met her after she landed on Dantooine – I had sensed their presences, and went to investigate.  In revealing that I was in training to become a Jedi, I almost got my head blown off – fortunately, I had remembered my blasters, and shot her weapon out of her hand without trouble.  After that, we were able to talk more, reach more of an understanding.  Mirta does not want her daughter to specifically become a Jedi (or, conversely, a Sith); she merely wants her to be able to control her abilities.  I promised Mirta that Mila would always have the choice to be what she wanted.  When mentioning this to Qui-Gon, he suggested that I teach her morals, in replacement of the Jedi Code.  Surprised, I agreed; I was under the impression that I was not truly supposed to teach any of the apprentices, since I was one myself.  Earlier, I had been rebuked slightly for giving Miri the holocron I had finished with, but I had good reasons behind it; I found her heading into the Enclave, not knowing about the possible Sith traps that might still exist there.

Speaking of Sith… another part of my training has been triggered by the arrival of a Sith Lord, seeking to kill Qui-Gon.  Sensing this, I was shocked, because the Sith Lord was none other than Jacen Solo, the young man who had arrived on my island, what seemed like ages ago.  He was still handsome… but terrible as well.  I rushed to Qui-Gon’s aid, but he urged me to stay in the shadows, and I complied.  During the following duel, Jacen struck out at Qui-Gon with Force Lightning… it was the first time I’d ever seen such a phenomenon, and although Qui-Gon absorbed and deflected most of it without serious injury, I could not help but react.  Jacen saw me, and stopped his attack – my presence, and the calm front I was putting up, allowed Qui-Gon to regroup, and for the two of us to form a plan.  Qui-Gon would attack again, and while Jacen was distracted with that, I would petrify his lightsaber, rendering it useless.

The plan worked well… except when Jacen turned to me, hand raised… and I felt his hand around my throat, squeezing.  Half out of self-preservation, half out of wanting the fight to end, I began to petrify… him.  I did not make it permanent – I never truly want to do that again.  But I’m not sure for how long I have petrified him.  Only when the process was complete was I released from the Force choke, and Qui-Gon rushed to my aid.  I recovered, but I was hoarse for the rest of the night.  Qui-Gon moved the Sith statue deep into the Enclave, and destroyed Jaden’s disabled lightsaber.  He praised me for being a great rarity: one who was able to defeat a Sith lord without a lightsaber… and then he suggested I start to make my own.

The research for the lightsaber has been interesting… and I discovered an innovative modification I could add to my blade.  With two crystals, I could set up a mechanism which would allow the blade to be used underwater.  Earlier, before I had made this discovery, I had requested that Qui-Gon take apart the ancient lightsaber he found before, so that I could study its crystal.  He did so, and gave the crystal to me; he suggested I use that crystal as the second (the first, of course, would be my sapphire), but I refused, since the feeling of the crystal suggested that it was truly bound to someone else.  Instead, I decided to find out the crystal’s origin, and, with that understand, duplicate its perfection with my own petrification skills.  It will be a strenuous task… but I have changed brass to fourteen karat gold, and I know I can make a perfect crystal, one that is truly mine.

Once the mechanism is complete, I will be able to encase it in my own design – I have drawn out one with a spiraling guard, so that I do not grasp the blade by accident during usage.  The spiral, simple at first, now seems to me to be requesting to be a snake, something reminiscent of what used to writhe on my head, when I was a gorgon.  I intend to make the eyes little chips of diamond, something that will be able to resist the intensity of the plasma.  The rest of the saber’s handle is more modern – I’m pleased with the fusion of designs, because that is truly what I am, too – a fusion of Earth’s simpler past and the technological advancements of this galaxy.

However… even as my training proceeds, there is a new urgency to all of our actions.  Qui-Gon has informed Quellia and Miri about the Sith attack, and told them that he will be accelerating their training.  What is more… we don’t know when the petrification will wear off.  We will have to relocate to a new planet before it does, hopefully somewhere more remote.  I found a solution – it is a planet called Rinn.  It has a temperate climate, no major cities, and is off the main trade routes; plus, there is a patch of what is generally called Hutt Space, in between us and the inner parts of the galaxy.  The Imperial presence will be greatly reduced, because the route to get to that area of the galaxy is full of pirates who like to go after the big ships.  Qui-Gon approved of my research.  We will do one last sweep of the Enclave, getting as much information and artifacts as we can, to take with us on our ship (which I will refer to as Kosmos from here on out, since once I return to Tynnara, I will buy it from the company that I have been renting it from), Tirum’s ship (called the Rogus), and Ben’s ship.  Once that is done… we leave Dantooine for good.

I may have my lightsaber finished by the time we reach Rinn – it’s a long trip.  But I may not.  It’ll probably be wise for me to bring a bag of suitable-sized stones, so I can practice duplicating the ancient silver crystal.  I will also bring a piece of the broken mirror that I found inside the Enclave – it holds a power where I can converse with my own reflection, which asks me questions about my decisions in life.  It may be useful for me, and for the girls, too, when it comes their time to reflect on who they are.

As for who I am… I am not alone.  I have my fellow apprentices… I have Ben, who is both friendly and enigmatic… and I have my love, Qui-Gon, who has pledged his life to me, and mine to him.  At night, I never leave his side, and my dreams are as pleasant as my reality.  However… I must remember that I am still his apprentice, his Padawan… and I must not overstep my bounds, no matter how I feel, no matter what good it may do.  He has chided me about this more than once, and it is a hard lesson for me to learn… but I will.  Just as I will learn to control my  hunger for knowledge (a hunger so great that it makes my hand cramp up from taking too many notes), and learn how to wield a lightsaber, and so many other things.  The view out the window may change… but the training still continues.

Dantooine

The days are longer here, on Dantooine.  And there are two moons, like a pair of pearls in the night sky.  I’ve been lucky – the ruined Enclave’s launching pad is open to the heavens, and as Qui-Gon and I enter the ship after our searches, I can usually spot the moons.

We went to Dantooine after Coruscant – Qui-Gon remembered that there was an old set of Jedi ruins, long abandoned.  He expressed concern that there might have been Imperial troops sent there, but when we arrived, there didn’t seem to be any of the Empire’s ships in orbit, nor in the area where we initially landed.

We were accompanied, of course, by Obi-Wan… however, his experiences with the Jedi hunters have left him in need of a lot of deep meditation and rest.  It’s strange – Obi-Wan is younger than Qui-Gon by many years, though not so much as I am, and yet he requires more rest than an overstuffed Bantha (which reminds me, I saw a purple one here – I didn’t know they were on Dantooine, or came in that particular hue naturally.  Hmmm.).  Qui-Gon tends to tire near the end of the day, but that’s always after a great deal of activity, both physical and mental.  During most of the day, he’s very energetic, his bright blue eyes either twinkling, or intensely focused on the tasks at hand.

And then there’s me – too old to be a typical Padawan, but hungry for knowledge and training.  I think… I will be braiding my hair – not just with the traditional Padawan braid, but several other small ones, bound back, so my true intent will be camouflaged with style.  I hope Qui-Gon approves – he calls himself a maverick, but in terms of reforming the Jedi Order, he is very intent… almost fanatically so?  With his emotional control, it’s hard to tell, but…

There was the issue of the holocrons.  Holocrons are small three-dimensional holographic projectors.  When activated, they start an artificial gatekeeper hologram, who teaches the viewer about whatever subject is stored in the holocron.  During our first day of exploration, Qui-Gon found a cache of them.  He was set on reviewing them all in one night, not returning to the ship until later.  Naturally, I wasn’t happy about this – I decided to join him, figuring that we could at least be sleepless together.  When I arrived, he refused to review any of the holocrons, for fear of *my* safety.  His reasons were two-fold – I was the learner, what he considered to be the future hope for the Jedi… and because he loved me too much to risk me getting hurt by accident.  Yes, love.  The word slipped my lips first, on the journey to Dantooine, and he easily returned it to me.

That was an intense day – I had had this unnerving feeling in the back of my mind as we were leaving Coruscant, and I talked with Qui-Gon about it.  I couldn’t tell him much, other than it felt dangerous, and yet somehow familiar.  I received clarification later, when I took a nap… and fell into a nightmare.  It was me and Qui-Gon… and Tix.  Tix was wanting to take me back to ONI, back to the soldier life… and I refused.  When he insisted, and grabbed my arm, I shook him off, and Qui-Gon politely but firmly suggested that he not do that anymore.  Tix turned on him, then, drew his blaster… Qui-Gon brought out his lightsaber, and deflected the first bolts fired, then he sagged… Tix had managed to catch his eyes, and send him a vision, distracting him… I was yelling, trying to get him to stop, warning him to stop… and there was just enough time for Tix to fire some well-placed shots into Qui-Gon’s chest, and he crumpled at my feet, lightsaber rolling towards Tix.  I cried out, and told Tix that Qui-Gon would have never hurt him… as Tix reached for the lightsaber, which had turned off, it jumped to my hand, lit up – I had Force-pulled it.  At that moment, blade in hands, I felt the only thing I wanted was to slice Tix to pieces… but I remembered.  I remembered Qui-Gon telling me about Tahl, and about the Dark Side… and I turned off the weapon, and told Tix to go, to leave me alone.  Amazingly, he did… and I was alone with Qui-Gon’s body.  I mourned, spoke to him as though he was still alive… I bent over his body, trying to listen for his heartbeat, but it was gone… I was full of despair, for I had not told him how I felt about him…

Then I felt a hand on my forehead.  I opened my eyes, and Qui-Gon was bent over me, concerned.  Being awake now, the Force reasserted itself to me, and the pulse of Qui-Gon’s life was right in front of me – I grabbed onto him, so glad that he had not died, that he was right there… I then realized that my sheets were in tatters, for apparently my dream had been so violent that I had ripped them in my emotional state.  Shaken, I went with Qui-Gon and made myself some tea to help me calm down, and I told him about my dream.  The final impression I got, from the whole ordeal, is that Tix would be looking for me soon.  Qui-Gon said that he would understand if I decided to go with Tix… but I refused, outright.  The dream, though challenging and shaking my convictions, did nothing to break them – I would continue to train to be a Jedi, to help Qui-Gon rebuild the order… to be by his side.  I then spoke more on Tix’s personality, how he and I had become different over time, especially in terms of compassion and remorse.  This led to a discussion on risk, which ended abruptly when I alluded to Qui-Gon’s most recent risk as being our kiss, and he took it as meaning his death from before – having just recently talked about his death in my dream, I didn’t want to think about such things anymore, so I took my cup and headed to the cockpit, to calm myself back down.  A little afterward, Qui-Gon came to talk to me, and I explained how I view risks – physical and emotional.  His response was that what I considered emotional risks were just what was there – not risks, just truth.  He even mentioned love, pausing slightly… and I wondered…

Resting that night, I finally pushed my fears aside, and told him.  And the rest, of course, is history.

Back to Dantooine: I was so conflicted about Qui-Gon’s attitude about the holocrons.  I was aware that they could contain some nasty stuff, and Qui-Gon emphasized on how it would be psychological damage, so I understand why he wanted to protect me… but I’ve had the psychological stuff tried on me – Tix’s visions – and gotten through them… and it didn’t feel right to me to have him risking his life alone, especially since his death happened when he was fighting alone.  We ended the evening a little unhappily, a stalemate – Qui-Gon came back to the ship with me, leaving the holocrons for later.  After a good night’s sleep – we still slept together, since it seems such a situation was beneficial to both of us – I let him go off on his own, explored in another part of the Enclave.  I figured that the issue with the holocrons was such that if they were all right, I would get to see them – and if they were not, I was attuned enough to him to reach him in time.  As it turns out, they were indeed safe, and we brought a few of them with us to study in depth on the ship.  He also let me wield the lightsaber he’d found – a beautiful ancient design, with a silver plasma blade.  It was fantastic… but it didn’t feel right to me… like I was using the weapon stolen from a corpse.

It will be better when I construct my own.  I even found a crystal for it (or did the crystal find me?), in an unusual place – *inside* a wall of the Enclave.  To get it out, I converted the wall around it into a type of stone I could chip out with my knife.  Once the chunk was out, I took it back to the ship to clean it better… and found a glowing blue gem.  Entranced – as much by the fact that it glowed as much as it was my method of finding it – I brought it to Qui-Gon, who was fascinated as well… then we discovered that during my zealous attempts at uncovering the gem, I had cut my hands… but my hands were uncut, merely bloody.  To test a theory we both had, he cut his hand – I wasn’t happy about that – and the stone used the Force to heal the cut.  It was astounding to watch… and Qui-Gon gave it back to me, said that it was indeed mine.  I did a little research, and I believe it might be an Ankarres Sapphire… I wonder if it will produce a blue blade, and if so, how deep a blue would it be?

But that won’t be until later.  I have a lot of learning to do until I reach that point.  I have a lot of holocrons to experience, yes.  If I am to be the future of the Jedi order… then I intend to learn as much as I can, and not disappoint my teacher… my love.

Coruscant

When I was a mercenary, many years ago, one of the clients who hired me sent me to Coruscant to track down a former contact.  On the last day that I was there, I walked past a booth that had little talking Rodians and Cereans saying things like “Can’t say Coruscant without Core!”.  Annoying little things…

They still exist.  That same booth, same person selling them.  He didn’t recognize me, of course, but I was sorely tempted to ask him if the tourist business kept him going.  He seemed plenty enthusiastic in terms of getting me to buy something, unlike last time… but last time, I wasn’t exactly… the charming type.

But things are different now.  Especially my reasons for being on Coruscant for the past week or so.

Last time I wrote any sort of log, Qui-Gon had moved in to my house on Phren Eirene.  Since then, I had the urge to go back to my roots in terms of the gods, since I was, well… the child of one.  I wanted to show them that I respected that I was a part of their bloodline, so I began creating sculpture.  I had the urge to do extra research on the one I was creating for my father, Poseidon, so I went to NavKor’s library to do so.  During that time, Qui-Gon came and found me, but he was preoccupied.  It turns out that he had made contact with one of his former Padawans, a Master Jedi named Obi-Wan Kenobi… another famous name from the Jedi Order.  Obi-Wan had informed him of the exact state of affairs of the Jedi… how they were all but extinct.  Qui-Gon informed me of those details, about his plan to head to Coruscant to meet with Obi-Wan, and about his purpose in reviving the Order, by starting an academy, using the information he could salvage from the ruined Jedi temple on Coruscant.  I suggested that he build the academy on Tynnara, but he grew very concerned about the planet’s safety.

I admit… my reasons for suggesting it were selfish.   I had been feeling that yes, I had moved on from losing Tix.  Although I wasn’t actively pursuing Qui-Gon in any way other than friendship… part of me wanted to.  His serenity, his inherent goodness – even Hermes was referring to him as “Good Soul Man” – was just so attractive to me, the polar opposite of the troubled natures of both Tix and Jacen (the latter has been continuously absent from both my island and my life, which is also a relief)… the thought of losing him to such a huge undertaking brought such a chill to my soul.  Qui-Gon was right, of course – building a Jedi academy on Tynnara was both foolish and dangerous… but my heart only saw it as The Greater Good, getting in the way of my happiness again.  I was so dismayed by my line of thinking, that I started to run – away from Qui-Gon, away from my fears, just away…

The last thing I expected was to be chased.  Yet I was chased… and caught.  Caught by a Jedi, using the Force to enhance his speed so much that we crashed out of the library, skidding across the ground.  It scraped Qui-Gon’s back badly, even with the Force cushioning him, but he held me tightly, so I wasn’t hurt at all.  In his arms, startled and emotionally turbulent, I confessed a good deal of what I was feeling… how I felt my heart was going to be broken, yet again… how I didn’t want to lose him.  I was astonished to hear him say that he wouldn’t, couldn’t do that… that he wanted to stay with me… I touched his face, scared to even believe that it could be possible that he felt anywhere close to the way I did… and he kissed me.  The Jedi Master, Qui-Gon Jinn, kissed me.

After… well, after all that, we finally got ourselves off the ground and headed back to the island.  I felt really guilty that I caused him to be wounded – his back had several large gashes where stones must have caught and torn his robes.  As soon as we got to the island, I got the first aid supplies and cleaned his wounds, with behot and bacta… and then, maybe because of the euphoria of Qui-Gon’s kiss, maybe for some other unknown reason, I felt that I could do something more.  I concentrated on healing his wounds, invoking the gods from my people who stand for medicine… but I didn’t think anything would happen.  I offered my services instead as a pilot, to get him to Coruscant, and he agreed happily.  We went to our separate rooms, and I headed out early in the morning to secure a ship.

When I got back to Qui-Gon, he told me something very interesting… his wounds had healed, without his own Force healing to bolster it.  His thought was that I could be Force-sensitive… a possible Jedi.  This was an option I had never considered, even with the abilities that I already had… and an attractive option; it was certainly more attractive to me than my own father’s offer of immortality, which was also proposed to me that day, which I declined.  With the mindset that I would become a Jedi, despite whatever odds were set against me/us, we headed to Coruscant together, to wait for Obi-Wan.

The city, full of people… trillions of souls.  We blended in just fine, renting out a motel room, seeing some sights, trying new foods like pizza and calzones – Qui-Gon’s reactions to these new foods was astounding and amusing… it was like he’d eaten bland, boring food all his life, and was just discovering the spice of pepperoni, the tang of sauce… for all I know, that was actually the case.

We also took a quick drive over the ruins of the Jedi temple.  It evoked some very unhappy feelings in Qui-Gon.  Later in our stay, after an encounter with a man in a park showed that I had the capacity to do a Jedi mind trick on someone instinctively, I went to the temple on my own, against Qui-Gon’s wishes, to see what I was getting myself into.  I shadow-walked, of course, and wasn’t caught… but the sadness of the place affected me.  It was almost as though I could feel the death that had happened within the walls… especially the death of children.  Someone who is responsible for the death of children is cursed forever, in my mind.

During the trip back to the motel from that expedition, I happened to look into a shady dive in the lower levels… and found myself looking at my Orion boss, Navaar.  Apparently she had a business meeting with certain individuals… but as I watched, the situation grew more ugly, with thugs blocking the only exit to the room.  I shadow-walked in, letting Qui-Gon know telepathically what was going on, and when the time was right, sprang out and attacked one of the thugs.  Navaar and I both started shooting – me to disarm, her to kill.  Qui-Gon showed up quickly and helped us escape, but Navaar was still hurt in the process.  Qui-Gon healed her while I got us, in Navaar’s shuttle, back to the motel.  She stayed the night in the bed that Qui-Gon and I had been sharing – yes, sharing, and sharing comfortably, nothing inappropriate at all – and the two of us just kind of leaned against the wall together.  She left the next morning, and Qui-Gon and I continued to wait for Obi-Wan.

He finally arrived yesterday, after being targeted by Jedi bounty hunters… it’s possible that Qui-Gon and I had been targeted as well, but it also could have been the thugs who went after Navaar – some wires had been cut in the ship Qui-Gon and I traveled in, but not in a way that was complete sabotage.  Nevertheless, Qui-Gon and I changed motels and docking bays, and awaited Obi-Wan’s arrival.  We planned out our “visit” to the temple’s archives, based on a lot of the reconnaissance I did on my own.  We infiltrated the place easily, and, I have to admit, I was somewhat instrumental in getting us into the Archives without bloodshed – Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan distracted the guards between us and the Archives, and I shadow-walked in and turned all the guards to stone – temporary stone, but still stone.  There were six of them… and I had never changed six beings in succession before.  It wore me out, more than I expected, but I was still able to head into the Archives with the two Jedi.  Qui-Gon did some searching on his own, while Obi-Wan went to a terminal and downloaded specific files – mainly, lightsaber forms, Force abilities, and lightsaber schematics.

After we found what we were looking for, I shadow-walked out of the temple on my own… which was a very bad idea.  I realized, as soon as I’d cleared the temple limits, that I was flagging fast.  All the energy that I’d had on the trip up was gone… I couldn’t even make it all the way to the motel through the shadows.  I had to walk out of them, and catch my breath.  I commed Qui-Gon to let him know my status, and his reply was almost frantic… it was something I had never really heard in him before, and I told him not to fear.  That seemed to calm him, and he came to get me, tracking my comm signal.  He almost blinded me with the aircar he rented, and when I told him so, he joked about the Force being used to see – he didn’t understand how important my vision was to me (important enough to name a ship after, yes?), and how it saved us the pain of killing people this time around.  I explained, tiredly, and he apologized, looking very contrite.  I reassured him that I wasn’t angry, and that if I were blinded, it would mean a great loss in not being able to look into his eyes again – I don’t think he was expecting to hear that.

When I got out of the aircar, my knees gave way – I was really, really exhausted.  Qui-Gon scooped me up like I was nothing, and brought me back up to our motel room.  Obi-Wan was crashed out, waiting for us to return, slumped in one of the chairs, so Qui-Gon set me on the bed.  I wanted to get undressed, because of the filth I had been exposed to after shadow-walking, but he more or less wouldn’t let me.  I settled for just getting the uncomfortable things off – boots, weapons, hair bindings – and sleeping in that.  He seemed a little hesitant to join me tonight… maybe because of Obi-Wan.  He also seemed to discourage the idea of returning to Tynnara… but… we have to.  Empire or not, we’re still employed at NavKor.  We have to go back.

I wasn’t happy about what he said, and he did promise that we’d come back to NavKor, for certain… he didn’t reach for me, and I thought it was because of Obi-Wan being there… but I didn’t care.  I held on to him, and the happiness I sensed from him was all but intoxicating.  I almost… well, I almost said something big.  Something too big, perhaps.  Except… maybe I did, when I was drifting off?  I was kind of in a dream then, a good one… and I might have said something out loud.  I don’t know… and I don’t know if he would feel the same way.

Despite everything, I’ve learned a lot on Coruscant – about myself, about Qui-Gon, and about the future that’s ahead of us.  As long as he is at my side… I think I will face it without fear.

One Month Later…

Change is a constant part of my profession – changing objects into stone and metal, changing situations of violence to those where the fighting has stopped… and as I change the world, the world changes around me…

I have returned to NavKor, and have taken up an employed position as a general pilot and security person (and I’m sure my looks and nature would lend well to diplomacy, if necessary).  Navaar was welcoming, though as business-like as ever, and she gave me no information about events that had plagued NavKor in the recent past.  Tix supported this decision, but it was clear that he was not happy, especially with said events.  I know he was just worried about my welfare, but I assured him that whatever happened, I would not be alone in missions, or in defense.  We got into a lot of arguments along these lines.

I was certainly not alone when I encountered Buroko, the thorn in my side from my old squadron.  He was looking for Tix, trying to recruit him to track down the saboteur who struck ONI… in other words, Vao.  Kalei Vondar, the 16-year-old son of one of NavKor’s employees, and Rival, were with me, and both came to my defense as I squared off against Buroko.  It seemed hopeless, even when I used some of my untested earth abilities, Rival used his physical enhancements, and Kalei produced a vibroblade and stabbed Buroko through the back.  I even used my petrification to break off one of his arms… during this time, Buroko managed to disintegrate part of Kalei’s blaster, as well as my clothing.  Finally, he escaped using a very uncanny trick – he disintegrated his entire body, and let it turn to dust and drift away – I can only assume that he reformed later.

When I talked with Tix about this, he revealed that he had had a personal vision, of my death after one of my missions from NavKor… that a ship I was returning on would explode as it landed, and that there had been information that such a disaster would happen, yet NavKor did not act on it.  I assured him that that would be highly unlikely, considering the troubles they were trying to prevent.

And indeed, my first mission, to Sullust, was both uneventful and amicable.  Well… apart from Emerald, Rival’s Orion fiancee.  She, Rival, I, and another human named James, went to Sullust to negotiate a trade agreement.  Emerald did most of the talking, and I’m sure she made some convincing arguments… the Sullustans thought I might have been the leader at first, but I assured them that I was only the pilot.  They were friendly, and negotiations went well – we even went to a resort called Piringiisi, which was fantastic… apart from the unfriendly discussion that I got into with Emerald while in the mud baths.  It ended up with me almost getting suffocated by the mud I fell into accidentally.  Emerald pulled me out, and we made a little bit of peace that evening, helped along by a group wine-tasting session.

On our way back home, I was contacted by Tix… and he was in trouble.  Apparently the ONI members that Buroko had been with had found him, and were getting him to come along with their plans, by force.  I was so frightened, so desperate, that I gunned the ship fast, and got home earlier than expected… but it was still too late.  Tix had a plan – he would turn against his former colleagues, and lure them away before they decided to turn on NavKor.  For that, he needed my ship.  When I got back, he hadn’t left yet, and I managed to get Hermes out of the Vision… but just as I did, Tix arrived, pursued by ONI… and he kissed me goodbye.  He said he would always love me… and then he was gone.  I was left, hugging the only family I had, when my friends arrived.  I don’t remember what I told them… I think I was in shock by that point.  I don’t even really remember how I got to the medcenter, but I was taken care of there – Shara looked me over, and the others even made me a special meal, so I could get my strength back.  I’m grateful for that… but my heart was broken.  Again.

The Vision had been my home, too, so I applied to live in NavKor’s dorms… but it wasn’t for me.  It was too confined, too restrictive.  However, when I looked out my window there… I saw an island, not too far from the beach a little ways away from the dorms.  Kalei and I went to explore it, and found that there was a ruined old mansion on it, which looked incredibly Greek.  There was a lot of forest and overgrowth, and wild beauty… and the place compelled me.  I wanted to live there, so I did some research.  Apparently the owner of the island passed away a while ago, with no heirs, so the place was deserted.  The price was very high… but not beyond what I could do.

Before I was able to buy the island, though, I participated in Rival and Emerald’s wedding, at Rival’s request.  I sang there… I sang a song that I’d heard on the radios during my travels, and it was the first time I’d ever really sung in public.  From what I could tell, everyone enjoyed my performance… but of course, I wasn’t the main act.  That would be Rival and Emerald… and at this time, Emerald was so happy that she really didn’t care about what there used to be between me and Rival.  However, that magnanimity didn’t last…

I had other things on my mind, though.  While they were on their honeymoon, I bought my island, and renamed it.  After some thought, I chose some ancient root words in my language – Phren Eirene.  Phren deals with both the mind and the heart, and Eirene deals with peace or harmony… thus making my island a place where such harmony could be sought and found.  I brought the necessary credits needed, and soon the deed was in my hands.  I didn’t waste much time in trying to fix the place up – used my abilities to fix the stonework, did some other things by hand, hired technicians for other issues… soon the place was livable, and I started to furnish it.

During that time, something odd happened – a young man appeared on my island, after crashing his ship in the ocean nearby.  He said his name was Jacen Solo… a name which surprised me, since the Solo family is fairly famous (or infamous, depending on your perspective) in the galaxy.  He was handsome, and somewhat polite at first, and a flirt… but he refused any sort of help from me, would not accept even a cup of tea or a blanket to keep him warm at night.  It confused me… and it infuriated me.  He took me out on a date (even though I kept insisting that it shouldn’t be considered as such), and even managed to kiss me… and I have to admit, I did like it… but I felt it was too soon to be pursuing any sort of romantic relationship… plus Jacen’s refusal of aid became a very sore point between us.  I can’t understand it, really… was it that he didn’t want to be in debt to me?  He was clearly attracted to me, but it didn’t seem like I could get to know him comfortably.  He attempted to get his ship out of the ocean twice, by using the Force, but failed each time – the mission he had, before he crashed, was to track down his sister, and since he had found no sign of her, he was trying to get the ship out, so he could repair it.  It was only after I’d reached an emotional breaking point with him that I unleashed some of my earth abilities, raising the land under the ship so that it could be above the water completely.

Such an ability, raising ground from water, is something that Poseidon, the god of the sea, can do.  And, after perusing NavKor’s library, I found a series of tales which suggested that Poseidon, not Damien, was my father.  It shook me to the core, knowing that I had such lineage.  And sure enough, my father took the time to visit me, and tried to make amends.  It turns out that he punished my foster parents for the way they treated me, and that he was afraid of what I might think of him, that I might have the same moody disposition that he does.  I suppose I do, a little bit… but only when I’m feeling lonely.  Father expressed that he was proud of me, and gave me an enchanted necklace as a gift.  He’s shown up a few times since then, most notably when I raised Jacen’s ship.

Jacen kind of hid himself after that… and I was preoccupied by a new situation at NavKor… an attack.  Apparently a species called the Thalassians, a group of slave traders, had pursued some people to Tynnara, and found that it was full of free people, ready to snatch.  They sent waves of ships to try to do that, so NavKor recruited help.  They had fighters in the air, and fighters on the ground – I was one of the latter.  I was lead by Darman, a Mandalorian who was once a clone trooper – he stayed one night in my mansion, and enjoyed both the peaceful setting and Hermes’ company.  The battle went on the next day… and during that chaos, Rival was taken, protecting Emerald from being captured.  She was hysterical… and I was furious, as much at myself as I was at Rival’s captors.  I was not part of the team that eventually got him back… but I armed them.  I armed them well, and gave them my silent blessing.

The defense was successful, and NavKor and Tynnara are again safe.  In the aftermath, a mysterious and powerful figure appeared on both the planet and in my life… the Jedi Master, Qui-Gon Jinn.  I was surprised when I first met him, because he, like the Solo family, is somewhat famous… and he was supposed to be dead.  He was evasive on that subject, but otherwise very calm, collected, and friendly.  When I heard that he was going to live in the dorms, I surprised myself by offering him a place to stay on Phren Eirene.  After consideration, he accepted, albeit a day after he arrived, so he could familiarize himself more with NavKor.

On the day that he chose his floor (the 1st) and moved in, I also showed the island to another new acquaintance – a woman named Lorinne Kirn.  She is very pretty, but not so much in a flashy feminine way – it’s more subtle, but no less attractive.  She is very sad, however, partly because she is… well, owned by someone.  She has a contract, which belonged to one person, but was bought out by another, a man named Jaeger Marques.  I have encountered this man before, in a chance meeting, and his smooth-tongued praise of my own beauty both flattered and disgusted me – if my looks are all he wants to talk about, it’s not something I want to hear.  Lorinne lives with Jaeger in an apartment, but she stays out and about as much as she can, checking in with Jaeger at regular intervals… like a parolee and her subsequent officer.  I’m worried about her… if she’s feeling too trapped, she may do something desperate and unsafe.  However, it seemed that she felt comfortable with me, Qui-Gon (briefly), and grew to like Hermes as well.

Qui-Gon and Hermes are also very friendly now… and it seems like Qui-Gon belongs on this island as much as I do.  His calm, peaceful demeanor matches the feel of the land and the sea.  He’s a pleasant companion, enjoying cups of herbal tea and chats in the night.  He also has shown incredible feats in terms of the Force, doing high jumps to different levels of the mansion, as well as jumping down… and this evening, he even *flew*.  What is more unusual is that he did jumps while holding *me* in his arms… and that I allowed him to do that.  I’ve known him less than a week, yet I’m putting great faith and trust in him… and it seems well-founded.  I’ve told him much about my life – how and why I petrify, my lineage, I’ve even shown him some of the gemstone cranes I created.  He admired the amethyst one, so I told him he could keep it… I mainly meant in his rooms, but I’m willing to give it to him as a possession outside of the mansion… and judging by his commentary, he would accept it.

He is amazed by the skill I use in petrification.  This evening, I changed a fragile wooden trellis to stone, and used it to climb up to the roof.  I also changed a simple rock into an emerald, and gave it to him.  As he is fascinated by my skill, I am fascinated by his… basically by how he is a Jedi.  I have so many questions for him in that respect, but I don’t want to bombard him; at the same time, he is a very receptive person, so I know he would try to answer my questions as best he could.  And his eyes… there is a great serenity in them, in their blueness… it’s something I’d try to capture in a stone, to put in a pendant, but I don’t know where to begin.

Looking at these words, and reflecting on my actions… I’m wondering if I feel I am moving on now.  I have no idea if Tix will survive ONI’s pursuit, or if he will ever return if he does.  Part of me hopes he would… but at the same time, my life has changed so much.  Even when I was with Tix, I felt lonely.  When spending time with Jacen, I felt useless.  Qui-Gon makes me feel the opposite – he doesn’t mind sipping tea and talking, and he praises me for the strength and courage I’ve had throughout my life.  He seems comfortable with me, enough to pick me up and send us both flying through the air… but it may just be a friendship, albeit a close one.  If it is to be more… then it’ll be that way at its own pace.  Whatever I may feel – admiration, respect, something leading elsewhere… – I will wait until I know that such feelings are mutual, if ever.  In the meantime… I need to order more herbal tea.  At the rate we’ve been drinking it, it’ll be gone by the end of this week!

OOC: Slavery and Twitter

WARNING: This is not in character.  This is not Melantha expressing her opinion, though she and I have similar perceptions about certain issues, as well as a similar temperament.  If you want to hear her voice instead of mine, please stop now… what I’m saying is intended to inform, not offend, but I’m sure some people who read this may get offended anyway.  I’m sorry… but this is a free venue.  This is how I’m expressing myself.  This is your last warning, before I start talking about controversy, okay?

Okay.

How to start?  I guess one has to understand that Twitter roleplaying covers a lot of literary and cultural ground.  There is also a lot of crossover, where a member or members of one universe are aware of and/or like to interact with a member or members from another universe.  The example in this case, my friends, is the mostly separate but entirely equal universes of Star Wars and Star Trek.  I currently play a Greek gorgon (recently reformed into a human shape) on a planet in the Star Wars Universe called Tynnara, aligned with an organization run by an Orion woman, an Orion man, and a Caitian (a felinoid species) from the Star Trek Universe.  Got that straight?  There are also elements of vampire tales, Halo, and god knows what else in this particular circle, so… we’re a diverse group.  We interact with lots of people.

Another species in the Star Wars universe is the Yuuzhan Vong, a species technically from outside the galaxy, but still important in historical events.  There are a few roleplayers from this particular species… and it is from this corner of the galaxy that the controversy began to start.

I’m still vague on a lot of details – I know it involves a roleplayer doing an Orion account, and that the fact that it is an account dealing with the slave trade in the Orion Syndicate.  It is because the account is about slavery that started this dissent, and the root of the matter seems to be that the roleplayer from the Yuuzhan Vong has very strong feelings about slavery as a whole, and considers it to be something that should NEVER be taken lightly.

As a person, I think the idea of slavery is repugnant.  It is a part of human history that people would consider dark, cruel, and something that should never be repeated.  I fully agree with that sentiment.  To imagine any person as another person’s property goes against all the liberties that I hold dear – freedom of choice, movement, speech.  That kind of ownership and control should never be exercised on a person, and I hope I never am exposed to it personally in my lifetime.

That being said, however…

The impression I’m getting from the Yuuzhan Vong camp is that fictional slavery is just as wrong as real slavery, and that any person who attempts to mock or parody it should be vituperated and shunned for their audacity.  Apparently the Orion account is such a parody or mocking of slavery.

What it boils down to for me is that we are all writers here.  We are working in fictional universes where there is a lot of history, some of which is very dark.  For example:

Star Trek Universe:

Accounts of Slavery in canon – this entry covers not only two hundred years of history, but species across almost all of the quadrants of the known universe.  It also covers the prevention of modern slavery for sentient, non-organic life-forms like Data and The Doctor.

Star Wars Universe:

Accounts of Slavery in canon – it says in this page that trying to chronicle the slavery in the galaxy is futile.  However, one of the more prevalent users of slavery is the Yuuzhan Vong – it is even mentioned in their basic entry that they employ a species called Chazrach as their foot soldiers.  Other, more familiar slavery instances are the doomed Twi’lek that once served Jabba the Hutt – and Princess Leia, who managed to kill Jabba after he enslaved her.

Slavery and slave trade are unsavory elements of these universes… but they are elements.  And as writers, we have the creative license to use these elements as we see fit.  To condemn one write because they choose to write a character in a certain way is condemning all writers who want to exercise their craft.

Now, it would be one thing if the Orion account had been insulting people individually out of character, or deriding a person’s history out of character… but in character, the limits are set only by the type of character it is… so to act like slavery is an everyday thing, a significant source of commerce, etc., is entirely within that writer’s rights.  To not act that way would be denying the truth of what they were trying to portray.  The writing we do on Twitter is trying to tell a story – sometimes it’s a happy story, sometimes it’s a dark story, sometimes it’s just play-by-play, day-by-day.

And to deny the presence of slavery in this kind of venue… isn’t it a form of remembering, when we write about it?  If the stories of slavery, of oppression, of struggles, if all these stories were glossed over, or prevented from being shown… then what strength do the memories of real slavery, oppression, struggles – what strength do they have?  History is dark and brutal, and full of crimes against humanity… but forgetting history, as well as covering it up, is allowing it the chance to be repeated.

So, my bottom line:

If you don’t like what we write about, then I’m sorry.  We’ve got a world to share with you, and it’s not always a fun world, and it’s hardly ever ideal… but we feel that it holds some importance.  If you condemn one of us for not writing in a style you like, then you condemn all of us, and stifle us.  If something that we write offends you, then tell us that it does… but don’t go on a crusade against us for writing.  We are not trying to mock you or attack you personally – we are not trying to make light of the past, or of current atrocity – we are just writing in worlds that we enjoy, that inspire us to create.

/end rant

Alchemy

Up until I was thrown out of my home by my stepmother at fourteen, I received the finest education in Aegina.  My father, Damien, though weak-willed in some respects, had an unorthodox belief that women and men could receive and use equal education.  So, he hired tutors from all over Greece, and awakened in me a voracious hunger for knowledge.

Perhaps it was not unusual, but I developed a great interest in the earth – not so much in terms of Demeter and her graces towards mankind, but the properties of soil, of stone.  Every description I read, I absorbed, tucked away in my mind for another time.  By the time I was cursed, I was able to identify any stone I happened to tread upon.  What’s more, I learned about how the minerals in certain stones could be mined and purified, and later forged into metal.  I had enough of a typical mindset to not wish to become any sort of smith – who would have let a woman do the work of Hephaestus?

However, when I was cursed, I discovered that I was instinctively accessing my memory about minerals and such.  After being sent to the desert world by Hermes, and cared for by the human family, they asked me if I knew how to turn things into specific types of stone.  I hadn’t truly considered it, but once the seed of the idea was planted, I considered it seriously – stone has its value, especially in a gem form.  It took me several years to refine this process.  At first, nothing changed into the type of stone I wanted – the failed products became target practice, so my skills were honed in that respect, too.

With concentration, and intense recall of my knowledge, I finally was able to change an object into something with resale value.  I sold it to a merchant, and received credits.  This was the first time I had ever earned money for myself… and it felt good.  However, I knew that markets for such products would be limited, depending on where I was… so I kept it as a secondary occupation, leaving my primary to be a mercenary… a gun for hire.

Still, by the time I had joined the crew of the Defiance, my skills with stone had been much refined, as had my shooting abilities.  The quality of my created stone had raised into the semi-precious level, where I was changing wooden beads into lapis, tiger’s eye, malachite, etc.  I had a good cache of credits, although I was somewhat aware that my skills could improve… but I guess I felt that it was all right to live simply, with less to worry about in terms of thievery.

After ONI, my skills had progressed even further, to where I was able to change anything to a precious stone – including diamond.  I discovered that diamond was the hardest to transform, perhaps because of how physically hard it is as a gem.  Still, I devised methods to practice my gemcrafting skill, which resulted in several valuable objects that I have either sold or given as gifts.  By the time I purchased the Vision, creating gems from stones at the side of the lake outside NavKor was practically child’s play.  It almost got a bystander killed, as he basically tried to convince me to give him some of the gems I had recently transmuted on the lake shore.  Naturally, I refused, and when he persisted, Tix showed up with a gun.  The man quickly reconsidered, and left without further incident.

However, I had not considered yet another form of transmutation… that of minerals that were already refined into metal.  This idea was broached upon me by my ex-boyfriend, Rival.  He had the need for… wedding bands.  These rings were not for an actual proposal, but for a cover story where he, his current girlfriend Emerald (I will probably write more about her later), and their protector Phobetor would all be married. (Perhaps not at the same time?  I wonder…)  At any rate, I have no technical skill as a craftsman of jewelry… but I was struck with the idea of changing the minerals in a cheaper ring – say, one of a brass alloy – into that of gold.  I was on Denon when I was given this request, so it was quite easy for me to buy cheap rings – and, as our money situation is well in hand, it was hardly any skin off my nose to do so.

The difficult part was the concentration – perfecting the quantity and quality.  The first step was actually replacing the brass alloy with mostly pure gold.  Since gold is such a pliable metal, it would be foolish to have it be completely pure, twenty-four carats.  I was able to narrow it down to fourteen carats, a reasonable balance for a durable gold ring.  Even so, the color and tone of my earlier attempts were… hideous.  I was glad that I bought so many brass rings!  I managed to get the color consistent, but then there was the need for sheen – a dull wedding band is hardly worth giving.  It took maybe two days of experimentation, but I finally got the necessary concentration and method down.  The first perfect ring I made… well, I gave it to Tix.  It fit his finger well, but I felt strange in giving it… like I was setting a future in motion that I was not ready to commit to.  I asked him to save it for a future time, and he agreed.

I contacted Rival again for the necessary ring sizes, and crafted three rings – Emerald’s was the smallest, at a size five, and Phobetor’s ring was twice that, at ten.  Rival’s was six (rather small for a man, wouldn’t you say?).  We delivered it to Tynnara this past evening – Rival, and a young man named Kalei, met us at the lake.  Rival was prepared to give me 200,000 credits for my work.

200,000!  That could buy the Vision twice over, new!  I refused to take it – it was practically an insult.  He insisted – I insisted again.  He asked me how much I wanted, and I told him that I wanted ten percent – 20,000 credits.  That’s about how much I would charge for taking passengers or cargo to another planet.  Rival still insisted on tipping me 50,000 credits, and explained his reasoning – he wanted to apologize for the recent clash I had with Emerald.  I had previously explained my reasoning to him – I knew the value of my work, and I would have charged him less because of how much I had learned from making them.  I did not mention the fact that now knowing how to change other metals to gold – alchemy – would keep me and Tix rolling in credits, even without the gems I could make.  Rival understood why I had protested so much, and apologized.  I accepted his apology, his money, and was able to relax more because our business was concluded.

One thing is certain – due to this experience, Tix and I shall want for nothing, at least in terms of material things.  This bodes well for whatever future we will have together – hopefully the ones I’ve been perceiving in his eyes – but that is a story for another time.

Shadow-walking

One of the basic training programs at ONI was how to move stealthily.  A more advanced version of this was only taught to certain people, those who show the aptitude for true blending, for silence and control.  Light and darkness cannot be without each other, correct?  One can move easily through light – your obstacles are visible, you can focus on anything.  Moving through darkness is a little harder – you have to trust your other senses more.  Shadow-walking is a combination of these two states of awareness.

As long as a shadow has been cast, one can shadow-walk into it.  The first few times it is attempted tends to end in failure, as the specific amount of concentration has not been reached.  I remember walking into several walls, or finding the pressure required to sink into the floor was not working.  However, once I discovered the trick of it, it became like piloting a ship, or changing something into a specific type of stone – once learned, never forgotten.  With increased finesse, I was able to slip into shadows from all directions, and slip out of new ones at increased distance from where I started.

To do this, one enters a shadowy reflection of the regular world.  The air around you seems to ripple, and the sounds from the regular world are muted and distorted, like being underwater.  Colors, even the brightest ones, are faded into a murky gray tone.  Your movement is not impeded by entering this world – in fact, if one were to compare movement between both worlds, the shadow world allows you to move faster.  Abilities also tend to work strangely, sometimes not at all, when you’re in the shadow world.  I tried changing a stone I brought in with me into another mineral, but it only lasted a few second before switching back to what it was.

The shadow world is full of gateways back to the real world – wherever there are shadows in the real world, there is a lighter shimmer, like sunlight on water, in the shadow world.  Moving in the shadow world, I have entered from one end of the ONI base, and exited at the other.  I have even caught other cadets moving in the shadow world, kind of like a game of hide and seek combined with tag.  It was interesting training, something that I probably couldn’t have learned elsewhere.

Tix also knows how to shadow-walk… he does it much more instinctively than I do, perhaps because he’s had more experience in laying low.  He’s used it several times in my presence (including the time when I died, see the previous entry for more details on that experience), most recently in Denon.

Apparently my concern about Emerald and Rival was bothering Tix.  Ever since that meeting, when Emerald discovered that Tix and I were ONI, and basically condemned us for being that type of soldier without considering that we were people first, I’ve been bothered about making some sort of peace.  Rival understands where Emerald and I are both coming from – he was injured badly by ONI himself, or at least I’ve gleaned that from mixed conversations, but he realizes what I did in joining ONI, and that the brutality that Emerald associates with ONI is not part of me (and not noticeably part of Tix).  But because I kept musing about this situation, Tix was bothered.  Finally, when I explained how this issue was significant to me personally (my past with Rival, mainly), he got the wrong idea, accused me of wanting to win back Rival’s heart, and shadow-walked away from me.  I was startled, at the very least, then annoyed, so I shadow-walked after him – I was tempted to just drag him out of the shadow world by his ear.

One thing I forgot to mention – there is always wind in the shadow world, so my hair was going crazy as I walked in.  It actually felt a lot like it used to, when it was snakes.  Like trying to walk in the dark, I had to focus on my other senses to get an idea where Tix had gone.  Fortunately, since we both seem to have a strong telepathic link, I was able to find him fairly quickly.  I was confused as to why he thought I would leave him – I love him, he loves me, and Rival is my past – something important because he’s shaped me, but fight to get him back?  No… I wouldn’t do that.  He’s got his own life, his own love, and he gave up hope for a relationship with me a long ways back.  Maybe I still feel bitter about that, and bitter towards Emerald for taking my place, but I still want them to be happy.

When I finally reached Tix in the shadow world, he had his glasses off – in the shadow world, he can take them off without worrying about hurting anyone.  He looked… lost.  It was an expression I recognized, having felt that way so often.  I walked over and reassured him that I would not leave him, because of the love we shared, then I gently asked him not to run away from me again.  That seemed to break something in him, because he was on the verge of tears then, apologizing.  I was astonished at this, and hugged him tightly to me.  Over and over again, he mourned how he keeps losing everything and everyone he cared for; I promised that I would not be someone lost to him, that I was not afraid of his past, or what I could see in his eyes.  This seemed to help his inner crisis pass, at least for now, and we returned to the real world.

There is so much pain in him, though.  I can sense it in him, even if I can’t see his eyes on a regular basis.  It is true that he has lost many people important to him – all his immediate family, his aunt, his home… and our squadmate Juss, as well.  I see him fingering Juss’ diamond dog tags (he found them in the wreckage of the armory, and I turned them to diamond for him, so that he would not lose them easily) sometimes, with a haunted face, and sometimes I wonder if he feels he should have died with Juss that night… or that if he had done something differently, Juss would have lived.  I wouldn’t have… if I had been a better soldier, faster, wiser, I might have been able to save Tix from being shot… but I have to be content with what I managed to do – save his life after he was shot.  Every now and again I have a dream where I have Tix’s blood on my hands, and the medics do not come… but when I wake from that dream, I only have to feel the weight of Tix’s arm across me, and I know that it didn’t happen that way.

I just wish I could walk into his mind and bring it back out from the shadows, as easily as I can do with his body… *sighs*

A touch of Hades…

When I was young, my nursemaid told me stories of the gods, and how they created and interact with mankind.  The tales I think of now are of the land of the dead, Hades.  The cold, hidden god with the same name as his underworld, sitting on his stone throne… how he stole Persephone, the daughter of Demeter, the wheat goddess, and was convinced to let her go for the spring and summer alone… how Orpheus traveled down to the underworld, charming all creatures and things with his song, to bring back his lover’s spirit, only to lose her at the last second… how Psyche had to bring back water of the River Styx, the holiest river in creation, to sate Aphrodite’s sadistic challenges…

I know the gods exist, but I don’t know if such an underworld exists… you see, I died recently.

Just before ONI disbanded, I was doing reconnaissance at a cafe near NavKor when I met a young man.  He introduced himself as Kazic – we had a brief conversation before I headed back to base, and I didn’t think much of it – my mind was on other things.  Not long after ONI disbanded, and Tix and I camped by the lake outside of NavKor, we were approached again by Kazic.  At first, after getting his pistol shot out of his hand by Tix, he said he was looking for someone – we offered our assistance, but he declined, and went elsewhere.  That evening, I met up with an old friend, Vixen, by the lake.  I had Hermes with me, but my gigantic purple tiger suddenly disappeared while I was talking with Vix.  Not long after that, I started to hear growls across the lake.  Alarmed, I rushed over at top speed, to find Hermes facing off with Kazic, and Tix outside, weapon ready.

Kazic wasn’t talking, so Tix fired a shot into his chest.  This angered me – I was not looking to kill anyone, especially since we weren’t soldiers any more.  I went over to Kazic’s body, only to find him healing from his wound.  A little relieved, I called Hermes over to pin him down, and in that seemingly secure position, Kazic talked.  He told us that someone had mentioned bounties on ONI soldier heads, that the money was better than any of us could imagine.  Tix, disgusted that I just didn’t kill the guy, went back in the tent.  I decided to negotiate – with two threats and a third option.  I thought that life would count more than death… but this was not so.

He gripped my wrist, and told me of his second power… to stop the function of organs within a person’s body.  Immediately I felt my breath shorten, my heart starting to beat slower.  Tix managed to put a temporal dagger into the guy’s throat, threatening to erase him from existence unless he let me go.  Kazic refused… and I was dying.  The world swam in and out on me, like waves on a shoreline.  All rational thought seemed to disappear on me… replaced with a cold, desperate anger.  I wanted to live… and if I was to die, I wanted NOT to die alone.  As Kazic’s grip grew tighter, I started to petrify him from the feet up.  There was no yielding on his part, no matter how Tix threatened or Vixen (who had followed us, invisible) pleaded or bargained.  Finally, I reached my breaking point.  There were no second chances – Kazic had to die, with or without me.  With my last effort, I wrenched free and turned him to stone completely – at the same moment, I felt my heart stop.  I remember saying something inane, then falling to the ground.

And then, all was black.  No golden god Hermes, to guide my soul.  No River Styx.  No tortured souls or a cold god overseeing it all.  Just… darkness.  With maybe murmurs of voices, too far away to be recognizable.  A second passed – an eternity passed – then…

I breathed.  My heart pounded back into life.  I sat up, to find Vixen over me, looking worried, and my beloved tiger cutting furrows into Kazic’s stone face.  I was alive… thanks to Tix.  Somehow he had sent my body and soul back in time almost an hour – I was thirstier than Tantalus.  And I was totally aware of what I had done… it frightened me… it sickened me… it angered me.

I destroyed Kazic’s corpse.  I blew it into dust and slivers with my blaster.  I did it while weeping, full of horror and remorse and anger about what I had done.  The name Kazic will always be with me, because of what happened to both of us.  We became killers… we were killed.

The next day, I couldn’t bear what I had done.  I couldn’t face Tix, couldn’t face the world.  I ran into the forest, weeping again, hopeless, not understanding how I could have done such a thing, against what I had promised before.  My tears were stopped and my mind opened when the god Hermes appeared to me.  He was glorious… he smiled… but he was firm in his tone.  He named me as a hero, but he reminded me that a hero’s path is not one without death.  It is something that I have had to learn how to accept.  He also praised me for leaving it as the last resort, but cautioned me to value my life more… I took that to heart.  I returned to Tix, feeling stronger… but a little older, as well.  Perhaps a wrinkle of worry appears on my brow more often.

The events of death are something that I am not going to forget.  I know how to save… and I know how to kill.  I am willing to do what I can to save my own life… and Tix’s life.

Song of Hermes

This is a song I learned when I was a child, maybe four or so.  I had to ask my nurse about many meanings of the words, but I remember it, even to this day.  Funny, to teach a child about thievery and disembowelment… *dry chuckle*

Maia’s child with Father Zeus,
Hermes, of the cheeky smile,
Barely was he cradle-borne
When he exerted epic wile.

He stole the cattle from the god
Apollo, god of light and truth,
And bade them walk in backward steps
And hid his own feet in their youth.

The cattle were so safe and sound
Except for one, the sacrifice
That Hermes made, for his own sake,
And took the guts for his device.

With tortoise-shell, he made the lyre
And when Apollo raged and raved
He played the sweetest vibrant song
Which his dear brother thusly craved.

Apollo gave his cattle up
In trade for music’s patronage
And Hermes chose the crossroad way
Instead of playing on the stage…

A most powerful vision…

I have managed to convince Tix to take off his protective glasses.  He wears these glasses to block his psychic vision abilities, just as I used to wear a similar pair when I was a gorgon.  However, it strains my heart to see him in the same situation, when his vision does not necessarily wound or kill – that we can only look at each other through a thin, shading lens…

But Tix trusts me, and I him, so after some explanations on his part (his unblocked vision caused his aunt, his guardian to turn suicidal after a certain amount of exposure) and logic on mine (I have had psychic training), he removed his glasses.  I am probably the first person who has seen his eyes since he was a teenager… and they are absolutely beautiful.  The irises are multicolored – hints of blue, green, hazel and brown, with a slight violet tint near the edges.  His lashes are long as well.  I could finally see the emotions in them – the worry, the look of steel that comes after so many years of being a soldier… and finally, the love… a soft warmth that I’ve truly only seen a few times before…

Then, the first vision struck.  It was a short one, an image from my past, from when I had petrified the overzealous boy.  His name… I recall it now.  His name was Sevruun – he was eighteen, two years older than I was at the time.  He was very competitive, arrogant, but also good-natured (not like my former squadmate, Buroko), and I held no grudge against him, save that of a competitor.  He became stone… but it was temporary.  I believe that this vision of my past served as a warning from the gods… that I should tread carefully in this endeavor with Tix.

Tix was worried, and put his glasses on immediately, but I related the story to him, how the experience shaped me in both negative and positive ways – I was driven from the first family I’d had in several years, but I also gained a better knowledge of my own capabilities, so that I was able to stand on my own.  I also reaffirmed my faith in his own psychic abilities… that if I were to be taken over so deeply by what I would see, he would be able to get me out.  An anxious look crossed his face as he took his glasses off again.  Those beautiful eyes filled my sight… and suddenly, the world was gone…

I was flying, far over the ocean, like a great bird, or like Hermes with his winged sandals.  Below me, I could see a young man, almost a boy, flying below me, and he *was* wearing winged sandals.  I realized that this was not the god itself, but one favored by him.  Further inspection showed that he was carrying a great, shining shield… another gift, this time from a goddess.  I was shocked – I was looking at Perseus, the “hero” who had killed my mother.

He approached a great rock outcropping, and as I followed, I could see that some of the stone was… oddly shaped.  Like it was once living.  Sitting on a flat, round stone was a woman, and as we approached, I could hear, over the sound of the waves, the hissing of snakes.  My heart leaped to my throat, as I had heard that sound for so many years of my life.  The woman was a gorgon, and I flew closer, knowing that this was merely a vision, that nothing could hurt me.  I flew up to her, and it was if I was not even there – I could see her face… and I knew it, somehow.  This was my mother, Medusa – and she was beautiful.  I remembered what Rival had said before, while he had fallen in love with me, even as I was – perhaps this was what he saw.  And I could see the lady that she once was, the one that I look like now.

“Stay back!” she called out, but she was not speaking to me.  I turned, and saw that Perseus had landed.  He had turned, holding the shield at an angle so that he could look upon my mother.  “Stay away, young man!  My look will turn you to stone, and only the gods may dare to change you back!”

“Please,” the boy replied, and I was astounded at his voice – it was so young. “This is something I have to do.  I should have never gone to the banquet without a gift, so I was sworn to let the king, Polydectes, name my gift.  He told me that I should bring back your head.  The gods have aided me to do so… but I never wished to kill anyone, only to protect my mother from that wolf of a king.”  My mother listened, and her horrible, beautiful face twisted in sadness.

“You are but a boy,” she replied.  “Have you no father to protect her?”

“My father is the god of the sky,” he answered.  “But he is only working through his children to help me.  I am her only hope.”  My mother’s snakes hissed, and a single tear fell down her cheek.

“Then you must strike, boy, and do not hesitate.  I have a daughter, and had one day hoped that the gods would take pity and let me see her, but if they aid you, then I must obey.”  She knelt before the boy, and bowed her head.  I wanted to cry out, to hold his sword at bay, to do anything to stop this death… but I could not.  The sword flashed down, and my mother’s head was on the ground.  To my great astonishment, shared with Perseus, there was a great whinnying, and a shiny white winged horse, streaked with gore, sprang from my mother’s neck.  I knew him – it was Pegasus, the lightning-bearer of Zeus, who I now could confirm as my brother, born from my mother.  Perseus cautiously approached, and stuffed my mother’s head into a sack that did not change to stone.  He flew off, and I was left with my mother’s corpse…

And then I was back in the tent, gripping Tix’s hand so tight that I’m amazed that I did not break any bones.  I let go, my breath heaving in my chest, and told him briefly of what I had seen.  He was concerned, but also accepted that I had found a great truth in what his eyes had shown me.  Seeing my fatigue, however, he put his glasses back on and we both rested.

I think about what I’ve seen… and I wonder if it is a true vision.  It may be that Perseus was merciless, or that my mother never spoke to him at all, or that she was even asleep when he approached… but I would like to think that Perseus at least saw that my mother was more than just a monster, just as others have done with me.

And this experience has not wavered my resolve in terms of braving Tix’s power – on the contrary, I will try even harder to resist and compensate for what I see in Tix’s eyes.  To be able to see his emotions there… it is worth every vision.