Shadow-walking
One of the basic training programs at ONI was how to move stealthily. A more advanced version of this was only taught to certain people, those who show the aptitude for true blending, for silence and control. Light and darkness cannot be without each other, correct? One can move easily through light – your obstacles are visible, you can focus on anything. Moving through darkness is a little harder – you have to trust your other senses more. Shadow-walking is a combination of these two states of awareness.
As long as a shadow has been cast, one can shadow-walk into it. The first few times it is attempted tends to end in failure, as the specific amount of concentration has not been reached. I remember walking into several walls, or finding the pressure required to sink into the floor was not working. However, once I discovered the trick of it, it became like piloting a ship, or changing something into a specific type of stone – once learned, never forgotten. With increased finesse, I was able to slip into shadows from all directions, and slip out of new ones at increased distance from where I started.
To do this, one enters a shadowy reflection of the regular world. The air around you seems to ripple, and the sounds from the regular world are muted and distorted, like being underwater. Colors, even the brightest ones, are faded into a murky gray tone. Your movement is not impeded by entering this world – in fact, if one were to compare movement between both worlds, the shadow world allows you to move faster. Abilities also tend to work strangely, sometimes not at all, when you’re in the shadow world. I tried changing a stone I brought in with me into another mineral, but it only lasted a few second before switching back to what it was.
The shadow world is full of gateways back to the real world – wherever there are shadows in the real world, there is a lighter shimmer, like sunlight on water, in the shadow world. Moving in the shadow world, I have entered from one end of the ONI base, and exited at the other. I have even caught other cadets moving in the shadow world, kind of like a game of hide and seek combined with tag. It was interesting training, something that I probably couldn’t have learned elsewhere.
Tix also knows how to shadow-walk… he does it much more instinctively than I do, perhaps because he’s had more experience in laying low. He’s used it several times in my presence (including the time when I died, see the previous entry for more details on that experience), most recently in Denon.
Apparently my concern about Emerald and Rival was bothering Tix. Ever since that meeting, when Emerald discovered that Tix and I were ONI, and basically condemned us for being that type of soldier without considering that we were people first, I’ve been bothered about making some sort of peace. Rival understands where Emerald and I are both coming from – he was injured badly by ONI himself, or at least I’ve gleaned that from mixed conversations, but he realizes what I did in joining ONI, and that the brutality that Emerald associates with ONI is not part of me (and not noticeably part of Tix). But because I kept musing about this situation, Tix was bothered. Finally, when I explained how this issue was significant to me personally (my past with Rival, mainly), he got the wrong idea, accused me of wanting to win back Rival’s heart, and shadow-walked away from me. I was startled, at the very least, then annoyed, so I shadow-walked after him – I was tempted to just drag him out of the shadow world by his ear.
One thing I forgot to mention – there is always wind in the shadow world, so my hair was going crazy as I walked in. It actually felt a lot like it used to, when it was snakes. Like trying to walk in the dark, I had to focus on my other senses to get an idea where Tix had gone. Fortunately, since we both seem to have a strong telepathic link, I was able to find him fairly quickly. I was confused as to why he thought I would leave him – I love him, he loves me, and Rival is my past – something important because he’s shaped me, but fight to get him back? No… I wouldn’t do that. He’s got his own life, his own love, and he gave up hope for a relationship with me a long ways back. Maybe I still feel bitter about that, and bitter towards Emerald for taking my place, but I still want them to be happy.
When I finally reached Tix in the shadow world, he had his glasses off – in the shadow world, he can take them off without worrying about hurting anyone. He looked… lost. It was an expression I recognized, having felt that way so often. I walked over and reassured him that I would not leave him, because of the love we shared, then I gently asked him not to run away from me again. That seemed to break something in him, because he was on the verge of tears then, apologizing. I was astonished at this, and hugged him tightly to me. Over and over again, he mourned how he keeps losing everything and everyone he cared for; I promised that I would not be someone lost to him, that I was not afraid of his past, or what I could see in his eyes. This seemed to help his inner crisis pass, at least for now, and we returned to the real world.
There is so much pain in him, though. I can sense it in him, even if I can’t see his eyes on a regular basis. It is true that he has lost many people important to him – all his immediate family, his aunt, his home… and our squadmate Juss, as well. I see him fingering Juss’ diamond dog tags (he found them in the wreckage of the armory, and I turned them to diamond for him, so that he would not lose them easily) sometimes, with a haunted face, and sometimes I wonder if he feels he should have died with Juss that night… or that if he had done something differently, Juss would have lived. I wouldn’t have… if I had been a better soldier, faster, wiser, I might have been able to save Tix from being shot… but I have to be content with what I managed to do – save his life after he was shot. Every now and again I have a dream where I have Tix’s blood on my hands, and the medics do not come… but when I wake from that dream, I only have to feel the weight of Tix’s arm across me, and I know that it didn’t happen that way.
I just wish I could walk into his mind and bring it back out from the shadows, as easily as I can do with his body… *sighs*
