Dantooine
The days are longer here, on Dantooine. And there are two moons, like a pair of pearls in the night sky. I’ve been lucky – the ruined Enclave’s launching pad is open to the heavens, and as Qui-Gon and I enter the ship after our searches, I can usually spot the moons.
We went to Dantooine after Coruscant – Qui-Gon remembered that there was an old set of Jedi ruins, long abandoned. He expressed concern that there might have been Imperial troops sent there, but when we arrived, there didn’t seem to be any of the Empire’s ships in orbit, nor in the area where we initially landed.
We were accompanied, of course, by Obi-Wan… however, his experiences with the Jedi hunters have left him in need of a lot of deep meditation and rest. It’s strange – Obi-Wan is younger than Qui-Gon by many years, though not so much as I am, and yet he requires more rest than an overstuffed Bantha (which reminds me, I saw a purple one here – I didn’t know they were on Dantooine, or came in that particular hue naturally. Hmmm.). Qui-Gon tends to tire near the end of the day, but that’s always after a great deal of activity, both physical and mental. During most of the day, he’s very energetic, his bright blue eyes either twinkling, or intensely focused on the tasks at hand.
And then there’s me – too old to be a typical Padawan, but hungry for knowledge and training. I think… I will be braiding my hair – not just with the traditional Padawan braid, but several other small ones, bound back, so my true intent will be camouflaged with style. I hope Qui-Gon approves – he calls himself a maverick, but in terms of reforming the Jedi Order, he is very intent… almost fanatically so? With his emotional control, it’s hard to tell, but…
There was the issue of the holocrons. Holocrons are small three-dimensional holographic projectors. When activated, they start an artificial gatekeeper hologram, who teaches the viewer about whatever subject is stored in the holocron. During our first day of exploration, Qui-Gon found a cache of them. He was set on reviewing them all in one night, not returning to the ship until later. Naturally, I wasn’t happy about this – I decided to join him, figuring that we could at least be sleepless together. When I arrived, he refused to review any of the holocrons, for fear of *my* safety. His reasons were two-fold – I was the learner, what he considered to be the future hope for the Jedi… and because he loved me too much to risk me getting hurt by accident. Yes, love. The word slipped my lips first, on the journey to Dantooine, and he easily returned it to me.
That was an intense day – I had had this unnerving feeling in the back of my mind as we were leaving Coruscant, and I talked with Qui-Gon about it. I couldn’t tell him much, other than it felt dangerous, and yet somehow familiar. I received clarification later, when I took a nap… and fell into a nightmare. It was me and Qui-Gon… and Tix. Tix was wanting to take me back to ONI, back to the soldier life… and I refused. When he insisted, and grabbed my arm, I shook him off, and Qui-Gon politely but firmly suggested that he not do that anymore. Tix turned on him, then, drew his blaster… Qui-Gon brought out his lightsaber, and deflected the first bolts fired, then he sagged… Tix had managed to catch his eyes, and send him a vision, distracting him… I was yelling, trying to get him to stop, warning him to stop… and there was just enough time for Tix to fire some well-placed shots into Qui-Gon’s chest, and he crumpled at my feet, lightsaber rolling towards Tix. I cried out, and told Tix that Qui-Gon would have never hurt him… as Tix reached for the lightsaber, which had turned off, it jumped to my hand, lit up – I had Force-pulled it. At that moment, blade in hands, I felt the only thing I wanted was to slice Tix to pieces… but I remembered. I remembered Qui-Gon telling me about Tahl, and about the Dark Side… and I turned off the weapon, and told Tix to go, to leave me alone. Amazingly, he did… and I was alone with Qui-Gon’s body. I mourned, spoke to him as though he was still alive… I bent over his body, trying to listen for his heartbeat, but it was gone… I was full of despair, for I had not told him how I felt about him…
Then I felt a hand on my forehead. I opened my eyes, and Qui-Gon was bent over me, concerned. Being awake now, the Force reasserted itself to me, and the pulse of Qui-Gon’s life was right in front of me – I grabbed onto him, so glad that he had not died, that he was right there… I then realized that my sheets were in tatters, for apparently my dream had been so violent that I had ripped them in my emotional state. Shaken, I went with Qui-Gon and made myself some tea to help me calm down, and I told him about my dream. The final impression I got, from the whole ordeal, is that Tix would be looking for me soon. Qui-Gon said that he would understand if I decided to go with Tix… but I refused, outright. The dream, though challenging and shaking my convictions, did nothing to break them – I would continue to train to be a Jedi, to help Qui-Gon rebuild the order… to be by his side. I then spoke more on Tix’s personality, how he and I had become different over time, especially in terms of compassion and remorse. This led to a discussion on risk, which ended abruptly when I alluded to Qui-Gon’s most recent risk as being our kiss, and he took it as meaning his death from before – having just recently talked about his death in my dream, I didn’t want to think about such things anymore, so I took my cup and headed to the cockpit, to calm myself back down. A little afterward, Qui-Gon came to talk to me, and I explained how I view risks – physical and emotional. His response was that what I considered emotional risks were just what was there – not risks, just truth. He even mentioned love, pausing slightly… and I wondered…
Resting that night, I finally pushed my fears aside, and told him. And the rest, of course, is history.
Back to Dantooine: I was so conflicted about Qui-Gon’s attitude about the holocrons. I was aware that they could contain some nasty stuff, and Qui-Gon emphasized on how it would be psychological damage, so I understand why he wanted to protect me… but I’ve had the psychological stuff tried on me – Tix’s visions – and gotten through them… and it didn’t feel right to me to have him risking his life alone, especially since his death happened when he was fighting alone. We ended the evening a little unhappily, a stalemate – Qui-Gon came back to the ship with me, leaving the holocrons for later. After a good night’s sleep – we still slept together, since it seems such a situation was beneficial to both of us – I let him go off on his own, explored in another part of the Enclave. I figured that the issue with the holocrons was such that if they were all right, I would get to see them – and if they were not, I was attuned enough to him to reach him in time. As it turns out, they were indeed safe, and we brought a few of them with us to study in depth on the ship. He also let me wield the lightsaber he’d found – a beautiful ancient design, with a silver plasma blade. It was fantastic… but it didn’t feel right to me… like I was using the weapon stolen from a corpse.
It will be better when I construct my own. I even found a crystal for it (or did the crystal find me?), in an unusual place – *inside* a wall of the Enclave. To get it out, I converted the wall around it into a type of stone I could chip out with my knife. Once the chunk was out, I took it back to the ship to clean it better… and found a glowing blue gem. Entranced – as much by the fact that it glowed as much as it was my method of finding it – I brought it to Qui-Gon, who was fascinated as well… then we discovered that during my zealous attempts at uncovering the gem, I had cut my hands… but my hands were uncut, merely bloody. To test a theory we both had, he cut his hand – I wasn’t happy about that – and the stone used the Force to heal the cut. It was astounding to watch… and Qui-Gon gave it back to me, said that it was indeed mine. I did a little research, and I believe it might be an Ankarres Sapphire… I wonder if it will produce a blue blade, and if so, how deep a blue would it be?
But that won’t be until later. I have a lot of learning to do until I reach that point. I have a lot of holocrons to experience, yes. If I am to be the future of the Jedi order… then I intend to learn as much as I can, and not disappoint my teacher… my love.
